Looking Back With No Regrets
by Catherine4
Summary: Abby and Connor had been straddling the boundary between friendship and something more when they were stranded on the wrong side of an anomaly. What if they had returned with decidedly more than they left with? An alternative version of Abby and Connor's year in the Cretaceous. Angsty fluffy one-shot set between S3 and S4.


_It snowed last weekend where I live. I hibernated, binge watched Primeval and then wrote this thing. I hope someone reads this and enjoys it, but if not, I had fun writing it!_

* * *

It was a bad idea, they both knew it, but after three days of terror and uncertainty and trying to stay alive in unfamiliar surroundings, Connor and Abby both needed some comfort. Everything was a little less scary in each other's arms. Connor would be lying if he'd said he hadn't been thinking about this moment more or less since he first met Abby. And he had thought about little else since she kissed him. But it was Abby who made the first move again, and Connor did not have the strength to say no.

It happened a few more times. After staring death in the face, they needed a release. But as the months went on the need to survive took president over passion and they elapsed into a comfortable routine. Or as comfortable a routine as it is possible to have while trying not to get eaten by dinosaurs.

It was like being on scout camp, Connor reflected. If Scout camp had included a really hot girl and pre-historic creatures. They spent nights around the fire in each other's arms, and smiled and joked when they were out looking for food. In those early weeks, humour was all that kept them sane. But the passion had gone, or at least was lying dormant. Their relationship evolved backwards in many ways, and they felt like teenagers with their first crush. They kissed, but nothing more after those first couple of times. And they talked, really talked. And fell in love. There wasn't much else to do.

Abby had made a calendar and diligently marked off each day the sun rose. But Connor let time drift away from him. He had never been the most organised person, but now he saw even less of a reason to be. Perhaps knowing Abby was keeping track allowed him to relax, but Connor had lived moment to moment, letting the days come and go as they pleased. He never gave up hope that the anomaly would reopen and they would get home, but didn't feel the need to count the days, weeks and months since they had last seen civilisation.

So it was with a double dose of shock that Connor's world changed the day he had followed Abby to the stream. Shock at what he found out that day, but also shock that so much time had passed since they had followed Helen Cutter through the anomaly.

"I'm going to bathe" she had told him. "Tidy up around here, yeah? It's a mess."

Connor knew better than to protest, Abby was in a bad mood, but he couldn't help himself. "Want some company?"

"No" was her blunt reply, and he watched her leave their camp, perplexed.

Of course he followed her anyway. Connor often wondered afterwards what would have happened if he hadn't, how long Abby would have tried to hide her secret, but he would never know, and too much had happened since for him to still harbour any anger about it.

Hidden in the undergrowth, he watched her emerge naked from the water, backlit by the sun. That's when he noticed her silhouette and Abby's behaviour recently began to make sense. Why she was so withdrawn, why she would no longer let him touch her or cuddle her at night. And Connor realised too that the stomach bug Abby had had months ago probably wasn't a stomach bug at all. He crept away, his head swimming.

When Abby came back to camp later, her hair still damp but her freshly washed clothes dry from lying in the sun, Connor didn't say anything straight away. He just watched her and tried to calm the storm of thoughts that were raging in his head.

"Thank you for cleaning up" Abby said, kissing his cheek. She felt guilty for snapping at him earlier, Connor supposed, but he could only respond to her gesture with a grunt.

Abby watched him curiously. "Is everything's ok Connor?"

Abby was standing in front of where he sat on a log and Connor looked up at her. "You tell me?"

Abby's brow furrowed and it might have been Connor's imagination but he swore he saw some flicker of understanding cross her face. But in a second it was gone and she turned away. "I don't know what you mean."

"I saw you." Connor stood up. "I followed you to the stream." Abby turned to face him, fear on her face. "Abby, I saw."

He dared to take a step towards her. Connor half expected Abby to turn and run but she seemed to be rooted to the spot. He got close enough to reach out and hold her but he hesitated. "Were you going to tell me?"

Abby didn't meet his eye, so he rested both hands on her shoulders to try and get her to look at him. Still she resisted. "Abby, tell me." As upset at Abby as Connor was then, he was angrier at himself for not noticing, or not being the kind of guy that Abby felt she could confide in.

"Connor, please stop. I can't..." she tried to duck out from his grip but he wouldn't let her go.

"You have to" he said, gently but firmly. She didn't say another word. Eventually he took hold of her face an angled it upwards so he could see into her eyes, her beautiful, frightened eyes, and his heart pounded in his chest. Connor realised he would have to ask her the question they both knew the answer to but found that the words were stuck in his throat. Eventually, they made their way out of his mouth.

"Abby. Are you pregnant?"

Abby didn't answer in words, but she didn't have to, her reaction said it all. She collapsed and Connor caught her, then held her as she sobbed into his jacket. The anger Connor had felt about being lied to vanished just like that as Abby lay broken in his arms. He hugged her tight.

"Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me?"

Abby hated pet names, but this time she let it go. Connor wasn't even sure she had heard him. Connor realised later that he may have broken down too under the burden of what this news meant for their immediate future if he hadn't been so totally focused on Abby's well-being. He didn't like to think about what might have happened if he'd lost his cool.

Connor brushed Abby's hair gently away from her face and asked his question again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Abby opened her tear stained eyes and looked at Connor. "I'm sorry" she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "I didn't mean to lie. I didn't want to admit the truth to myself, telling you would make it real." Abby laughed despite herself. "I know how stupid that sounds. It is real. I was hoping I was wrong."

Connor didn't reply, he just held her and stared out into the depths of the ancient forest trying to process this monumental news. When he didn't move for a while, it was Abby's turn to embrace him. She kissed him lightly on the lips and smiled at him sadly when he focused on her.

"What are we going to do Connor?" Abby sounded hopeless, and Connor made a promise to himself there and then that if Abby was going to lose hope then he would just have to keep enough hope for both of them.

"We're going to find a way home."

As time wore on, and Abby got bigger and more vulnerable, Connor found it more difficult than he'd anticipated to keep his own promise. Once they had been surprised by a juvenile raptor as they prepared dinner and only just managed to flee in time. Abby tried to make him promise to save himself if it came down to it and leave her behind. Connor had replied rather forcefully that there was no way in hell he would do that, without her he'd want to kill himself anyway, so what was the point? That was the last time something like that was mentioned.

One morning when Abby was on watch while Connor slept, she shook him awake. He sat up with a start, alert and ready to fight, but instead of a predator he was confronted with Abby leaning over him with a smile on her face.

"Connor, I felt the baby move." The relief in her voice was palpable. "I was so worried."

It hadn't occurred to Connor that something non-dinosaur related might be a danger, but he was relieved none the less. Abby guided his hands to her stomach and he pulled away in surprise when he felt a kick. She laughed at him. It was a sound Connor hadn't heard in too long. He missed it.

For one second in their makeshift tent, with the terrifying world outside hidden from view, they were just like any other expectant parents sharing a magical moment.

One night, they were sitting by the fire when Abby said "It was stupid, wasn't it? To have sex here. Even once. We knew what might happen."

"No" Connor said, although he knew Abby was right. She was usually right about most things. "It wasn't stupid. We needed each other. I don't know about you, but that first night saved me, in more ways than one. We didn't know what would happen." He paused. "I mean, of course we knew what could happen, the birds and the bees and all that, but for all we knew we could have been rescued in two days. Or been eaten in two hours." This comment earned him a slap on the arm. "We couldn't know" he said more earnestly. "I don't regret it, not a bit."

Abby twisted her head to look at his face, illuminated by the fire light. "Even now?"

"Even now."

Abby leaned back into Connor's arms and stared at the flames. Connor couldn't see her face but from the way her body tensed he guessed her expression was tortured. He didn't interrupt her thoughts to reassure her, as much as he wanted to. Any promises he made would only sound false. He held her and hoped that was enough for now. Eventually Abby spoke, her voice sounded small and timid.

"How the hell are we going to survive here with a child?"

Connor didn't know. Abby wasn't really expecting an answer. Connor had kissed the top of her head and held her tighter. "We'll find a way."

And that was the first time it entered Connors head that they truly would be stuck here for the rest of their lives. He pushed the thought away quickly, but couldn't deny that it had existed. He put his hand on Abby's belly and nuzzled his face in her hair.

About a month later, they were fishing by the river when Abby told Connor they had to leave. The sun was blazing down, it was a beautiful day, and they were reclining on the riverbank, their dinner freshly caught and killed in Connor's backpack ready for transport back to camp.

"I know you want to stay near the anomaly sight" Abby said, gently stroking Connor's arm, "but it's too dangerous for us now." Connor sighed and they looked at each other's reflexions in the water. "I can't run, I certainly can't climb. I think we should try and find some higher ground where the forest is less dense." Abby lowered her voice. "I would feel safer."

Connor knew she was right. What good was an anomaly opening if they weren't alive to go through it? "We'll be back" he said defiantly, but he didn't know when.

They found a crevasse in a rock face and set up camp. It was sheltered above and on two sides, and gave a clear view of anything approaching. But the downside was it was far from water and food. Connor wouldn't let Abby help gather supplies, he took the full burden on himself. He also insisted on taking the majority of night-time look outs, letting Abby sleep as much as possible. Until one day when he'd slipped on some loose stones on his climb back to their cave and nearly tumbled over a cliff. That was when he realised how exhausted he was. Abby scolded him, telling him plainly that he would be no good to her or their baby if he went and got himself killed. She had thrown him her blanket and demanded he sleep.

Connor felt a bit like a bear getting ready to hibernate for the winter, even though he doubted true winter even existed in this place. Connor could barely remember what snow was. He worked tirelessly for days gathering all the firewood they would need and as much food as he could find. All because Abby had looked at her calendar and told him she felt like it was nearly time. The last thing Connor wanted was to be away from Abby when the baby came.

It turned out Abby's instinct was pretty spot on. Without doctors and ultrasound machines to tell them how much longer they had, they were quite surprised when Abby's waters broke only a few days after she voiced her prediction. Connor supposed that without the distractions of modern life, they had become more in tune with nature, their bodies and each other. Still, Connor could have done with some modern technology right then.

Abby knew far more about this than he did. She had delivered all sizes and species of baby animals in her time as a zoo keeper. And even once a human baby when she and Professor Cutter had been locked in a hospital room with a labouring mum. Connor would have given anything to be in a hospital room at that moment.

"Connor." Abby had grabbed his arm firmly when she felt him start to panic. "You have got to calm down."

"Right, ok. Sorry." Connor felt embarrassed. Abby was the one in labour and she was telling him to calm down. That wasn't the way it was supposed to go. In between screams that Abby tried her best to stifle lest they attract some creatures wanting to see what noise was about, Abby did her best to prepare Connor for what he would have to do.

"People were having babies long before modern hospitals existed" Abby said, breathlessly. "Everything will be fine."

Connor wasn't a religious man, but he prayed that Abby was right.

Connor tried to make Abby as comfortable as possible, but he didn't have a lot to work with, so she mostly used him as a cushion, leaning against his body for support every time a contraction came. That is, until Abby had reached up and stroked Connor's face and whispered. "I think I can feel the head. It's time you get down there."

"Oh god" Connor said. Panic once again rose within him. This was it.

For as long as he lived, Connor would never forget the moment he saw his child for the first time. "The head is out" Connor said, but he was so in awe that he only spoke in a whisper. He cleared fluid from the baby's mouth and nose so it could breathe, all the while marvelling at the tiny features and the fact that he had had a hand in creating this tiny human. One push later, and this being became the centre of Connor and Abby's world.

"It's a boy" Connor said, breathless with elation and relief. "Abby, it's a boy."

"Is he ok?"

"Just a minute" Connor said, still gazing down at the baby. He lay him down on a makeshift bed he'd made from his jumper and checked him over, as Abby had instructed. He looked perfect. "How do I tie the chord again?" Connor looked up at Abby for help, realising how utterly out of his depth he would be caring for a baby even under normal circumstances. "You better do it, I don't want to mess it up."

"Give him here" Abby said, and Connor gladly obliged. He helped Abby to sit up and placed the baby in her lap. Connor watched Abby tend to him and was filled with pride for his perfect little, brand new family. Connor hadn't realised it was possible for a person to feel so much love all at once.

Later that day, when everything was cleaned up and Abby had slept, Connor and Abby lay together with the baby between them, both completely besotted with their son. They had seen mammoths and t-rex's and countless other beasts that had walked the earth, but this pink, squirming little baby in front of them was by far the most wonderful creature either of them had seen.

"We have a son" Connor remembered saying, shaking his head in disbelief. "Mental."

That memory, the calm before the storm, was still so clear in Connor's mind, but the following days were a blur. He was constantly on guard, patrolling the area around their cave for any sign of predators. The only time Connor stopped was when Abby insisted. She had to remind him to sleep.

In one of these rare moments, when there were few chores left and the forest below was relatively quiet, Abby was nursing the baby while Connor sorted through their stockpile of wood for the right pieces to build a fire. "I want to call him Bobby" Abby said, stroking their son's head of fine dark hair. "It was my Grandad's name."

Connor had been lost in thought as he sorted the wood. He couldn't now recall what he had been thinking about, but Abby's voice had brought him back to his senses. "Bobby eh?" he said. He put down what he was doing and crawled closer to Abby. "Robert?" Abby nodded. "I love it."

In truth, Connor had been so focussed on staying hidden and quiet and keeping his family safe for the past 3 days that it hadn't occurred to him that his son didn't have a name. Back in the real world now, that seemed crazy to him, but then there was a lot about that year that seemed unbelievable now, but which he hadn't given a second thought to at the time.

Abby was still weak and they were reluctant to take Bobby out of the relative safety of their hideaway into the unknown dangers of the forest. This left the lion's share of the work to Connor, but he didn't once complain. Connor actually quite liked the feeling of being responsible for protecting his family, it made him feel important and useful, but he never would have said this out loud. Of course, above all he wished they didn't need protecting at all.

"I had a dream" he told Abby, after wondering all day whether to say anything. He had his arms around her and she in turn held the baby. It was early morning on Bobby's seventh day of life and the familiar dawn chorus from the forest canopy began. "I dreamt I woke up in this big comfortable double bed with soft white sheets. You were beside me and sun shone through this massive window, and there was a crib in the corner of the room and I could see this one through the bars. It was perfect."

"It sounds lovely" Abby said, and Connor could head the sadness in her voice.

"I prefer to think of it as a premonition rather than a dream" he continued. "When we get back, everything will be perfect. You'll see."

"Connor…" It had been a long time since either of them had talked about 'going back'. Subconsciously they had both resigned themselves to that dream being out of reach, but Connor woke up with such a strong feeling that they'd find a way and soon that he felt renewed energy when he left that day to gather food.

Without that energy it was unlikely that he would have managed to climb that tree as fast as he did when a full grown male raptor crossed his path as he was looking for roots. He remembered clinging to that tree, trying to catch his breath as he watched the reptile build its nest on the ground below.

Connor saw something in the nest glint when a beam of sunlight broke through the rustling canopy, but it was a good hour before he was sufficiently sure the coast was clear and he could climb down and take a look.

Not since he had found his favourite toy stegosaurus buried in his sister's sandpit when he was 6 had he been so happy to unearth a buried object. In amongst the twigs and leaf litter of the raptor's nest he found Helen Cutter's anomaly devise. He yelled and punched the air when he realised what it was, but after that initial feeling of triumph, came a more familiar feeling of terror. What if it didn't work?

He didn't tell Abby what he had found, he didn't want to get her hopes up if the thing was broken beyond repair. For two days he fiddled with the devise while Abby and the baby were sleeping, trying to reattach lose wires by firelight, until finally mid-afternoon on their last day in the cretaceous, there was a beep and it flickered to life.

Abby was dozing and Bobby was too, but Connor shook her awake urgently. "Abby, wake up. Look, look."

She wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Connor, what's going on?"

"Look" he said again, "I think we can go home."

Without testing it out at the site of the anomaly it was a gamble to leave. But, Connor and Abby both reasoned, if it didn't work they could always return to their cave, and if it did, they had no idea how long they might have before the anomaly closed again. They couldn't waste any time.

They wrapped Bobby tightly in the tinfoil blanket and transferred as many of their belongings as they could into one backpack. Connor carried the bag, Abby carried the baby, and slowly and carefully they made their way back to the place they had first appeared in this time over a year ago.

"Here we are" Connor said. The contraption he'd rigged up with an old tin can and the keys to Abby's surely long-gone flat marked the spot. Connor fished the devise from his pocket.

"Hurry" Abby said, anxiously looking around. There was an ominous noise from somewhere nearby. To come so close only to be attacked by a raptor would be agony, in more ways than one.

"Okay okay" Connor said. "Here it goes."

Connor actually closed his eyes when he pressed the button, afraid of what he would, or wouldn't, see. But through his eyelids he saw the blinding white light and knew it had worked.

"Oh my god" Abby said behind him. "You did it."

"What if it doesn't lead home?" Connor voiced the worry that had been nagging him the whole time he worked to fix the devise.

"It leads somewhere" Abby reasoned. "I'm up for taking a chance if you are."

Connor looked into Abby's eyes and the spark of adventure and mischief had returned. She had a big smile on her face. "What do you say, little man" Abby said to the bundle in her arms. "Do you want to go home?"

When he burst through the anomaly a split second before Abby and Bobby and emerged on an empty street surrounded by shiny glass buildings, Connor could have broken down and sobbed with relief there and then. But that relief was short lived when armoured black vehicles swarmed from every direction and men with guns appeared, shouting for them to put their hands in the air. Connor obliged, but looked across at Abby who was staring back with fear on her face.

"Put your hand up!" the anonymous voice yelled again.

"She can't" Connor yelled back, and hoped that his backchat wouldn't get him shot. "She's holding a baby."

"A baby?"

Connor never thought he'd be so grateful to see another person as he was to see Captain Becker at that moment. They were home. Their ordeal was over.

"How the hell did you survive in the cretaceous with an infant?" Lester had asked later at the hospital they'd all been taken to under military escort. If Connor didn't know any better, he would have thought his boss sounded impressed. Connor didn't know what strings Lester had pulled to get them all seen at the hospital so quickly and with minimal questions, but he was too exhausted to care. He remembered Lester grumbling that they should really carry out the debrief in a secure location back at the ARC, but his boss didn't put up a fight when Connor had flat out refused to leave Abby's side.

"I have no idea" Connor replied from his perch on the edge of Abby's bed. She was sleeping, as was Bobby, in a plastic crib nearby. "Will power? He was only born ten days ago, I honestly don't know how much longer we could have survived."

"Well, technically he was born 100 million years ago" Lester piped up. Connor might have laughed if he wasn't so tired. The adrenaline had worn off by that point and he could have slept for 100 million years. "Sorry" Lester had muttered as he left the room. He turned back to Connor. "We're all glad you're back safe and sound."

Alone with his family in safety at last, Connor squeezed in beside Abby on the narrow hospital bed and lay back and closed his eyes. It wasn't quite like his dream, but the sheets were white. And they were together and safe, and that's all that really mattered.

* * *

Connor stared out of the window of the nursery as the sun rose across the rooftops of London. It was in the quiet moments of life such as this that Connor looked back over the best and worst year of his life. It all seemed like a fairy tale to him now, an unbelievable adventure that he and Abby shared. They were the only two people on the planet that would ever experience what they experienced. That was special, and the bond they had forged during their ordeal was as strong as ever.

The newborn in Connor's arms stirred in her sleep and Connor smiled. "The first ten days of your brother's life were a lot more action packed than yours, little lady" he said softly. Annabel had no reply to that, she just wriggled for a second to try and get comfy in her fathers arms and remained fast asleep.

"Thank god for that." Connor turned to see Abby standing in the doorway in her pyjamas. She walked into the room and pulled the door closed behind her. Connor reached his free arm out towards his wife and she gladly accepted the hug.

"I've got this" he said, nodding at the baby. "You should have stayed in bed."

"She'll be due a feed soon" Abby said, kissing her daughter gently on the head.

"Ah, not yet" Connor said. "Please? I just got her settled again." Abby looked at Annabel and sighed.

"Okay. I guess another half hour of peace wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"Do I get a good morning kiss too?" Connor said with a cheeky grin.

Abby smiled. "Do I?"

"Absolutely." Connor kissed Abby on the lips and, as with every other morning since the first time he'd woken up beside Abby, he thanked any gods that would listen for how lucky he was. There was a thud of little footsteps bounding down the hallway. "What were you saying about peace?" Connor said, raising an eyebrow.

Abby turned when the nursery door was pushed open and banged against the wall with a crash. Connor grimaced, but Annabel carried on sleeping.

"Good morning trouble" Abby said, scooping Bobby into her arms. "What are you doing up so early?"

"You weren't in your bed" Bobby said, ignoring Abby's question. "I found you."

"Shh" Abby said, laughing. "You'll wake your sister."

Bobby strained to lean over to take a look at Annabel. "She's asleep" he exclaimed, no quieter than he had been before.

"Yes. And you should be too." Abby ruffled his hair and put him down on the floor.

"Can you tell me a wake-up story Daddy?" Bobby wrapped his arms around Connor's legs and held on like a koala clinging to a tree. This little boy had such a brilliant, active imagination that bed-time stories alone were not sufficient.

Connor looked at Abby as if to say 'here we go again' and rolled his eyes. But the smile on his face betrayed that action. He was far from annoyed. How could he be annoyed at his son wanting to spend time with him?

"Give me Bella" Abby said, taking the baby from Connor carefully so as not to wake her. She gave Connor a peck on the cheek before she left the nursery. "You boys have fun."

"What story do you want today then, Buddy?" Connor asked, lifting the little boy into his arms. Connor didn't have to ask, the answer was always the same.

"A dinosaur adventure story!"

Connor chose not to remember the truly awful things he had seen and thought and felt during their year away, but instead remembered the moments of joy. The shared moments of togetherness with Abby, the gorgeous sunsets and spectacular views they witnessed. The birth of his son. And in telling Bobby stories of Mummy and Daddy's adventures with the dinosaurs, he was able to make peace. Some of the stories he told were truthful, some were exaggerated and some were downright made up, but Bobby loved to hear them, and Connor loved the joy on his face as he listened.

"I wonder if it's a good idea" Abby said to him once "to tell Bobby these stories. It's all still classified, what if he says something at school?"

"He's four" Connor said. "Who's going to believe him? They'll probably think he's been watching Jurassic Park too much."

"I worry sometimes" Abby replied.

"About what?"

"The children. Their future. The things we've seen are still out there, Connor. Just because we've left the ARC and that world behind doesn't mean the danger has gone."

Whenever Abby spoke like this, confessed her fears to him, Connor had the same reply. "We survived the year from hell. We can survive anything."


End file.
